GRACE's PERSONAL NEWSLETTER PAGE
YEAR AT A GLANCE: April 2007 - April 2008
ENDING & BEGINNING A NEW SEASON OF LIFE
Some fairly recent photos of Grace -- last 3 or so years?
Dear Friends / Prayer Partners!!
I hope you are doing well these days and not feeling too stressed with the happenings of life, but that you're enjoying the springtime and the newness of the season we're coming into!...
New Beginnings and the new season is something I've been thinking about a lot the past year! Many of you seem to be walking through some very similar journeys in some ways....with some aspects of your life coming to a close while you're seeing new beginnings in other areas. Transitions tend to come with the sadness of leaving what's in the past behind, while moving forward with eager expectation to the new thing/s, though there are adjustments to be made along the way. So there can be the tears of grief but also the songs of joy.
What are some things happening with you and your families and in your hearts and lives? I look forward to hearing from you as you are able...
It seems that the basic news I've been giving you on my life, for the past year, especially, but even before that, is of transitioning. However, I didn't ever really get to explain much to you about what the transitions were / are that I have been / am going through because I couldn't keep up with all the changes in my updates / re-writes.
Sooo I finally decided that I would try to send you brief updates in the meantime, but they really didn't give you any details since there is so much to tell, and I thought I'd fill in some of the details later.
I have almost finished my more detailed version of some of the things that have been happening, for you who may wish to hear some of the stories behind some of the things that have happened, but in the meantime I wanted to give you all the basic gist of this past year from April to this week in April...
I hope this snapshot helps you to feel a bit more in the loop and helps you to also understand why I've been so quiet regarding emails and things... It has indeed been the wildest year of my life and doesn't appear to be over yet!!
Your love and prayers and encouraging support in various ways have been and continue to be soooo deeply appreciated!!!! And your PATIENCE when I've taken eons to reply to your emails and what not. Thank you!!!
Just before this year began, I felt that God was impressing on my heart that this was going to be a year of the Valley of Weeping ( http://ethniclink.net/EthniClayValleyofWeeping.html ) for me.
I can't say that I really looked forward to that!!, except for I did look forward to what the same verse that talks about it says about the Valley of Weeping becoming a place of springs (the whole theme of God's heart for RESTORATION, which is and has been a HUGE theme of His in my life the past several years)....I didn't really know what He meant by all of this - the Valley of Weeping - but looking back, I know at least somewhat, now, what He meant, at least so far!
(This also reminds me a lot of the Valley of Trouble which becomes a DOOR OF HOPE - one of His main themes to me this year and which He has made real to me on countless occasions! - http://ethniclink.net/EthniClayValleyofTroubleDoorOfHope.html
It also reminds me of the Winepress
He puts us through as we allow Him to do so - http://ethniclink.net/EthniClayWinepress.html
and reminds me of us being on His Threshing
Floor - same idea...
http://ethniclink.net/EthniClayThreshingFloor.html)
So as mentioned, thankfully the Bible talks about the Valley of Weeping becoming a place of springs! ( Weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning! - http://ethniclink.net/EthniClayWeepingNightJoyMorning.html) and He brings Streams into our Wastelands - http://ethniclink.net/EthniClayStreamsDesert.html -
So in the midst of many tears and constant transitions / stresses and having to face many fears which I didn't know were still lurking below the surface, it has also been a time of God doing a lot of healing in my heart and doing some amazing things as well, even though I don't know how long it will take for my puffy eyes to get un-puffed once I'm through this valley. : )
But basically my year has been like a hurricane - especially the past month or so! (there's a vs. about hurricanes in our lives which is totally fitting in this regard - in one particular translation the word hurricane is actually used!! http://ethniclink.net/EthniClayPs57_1.html)
My POTENTIAL MOVE WAS THE CATALYST FOR THE HURRICANE / VALLEY OF WEEPING TO BEGIN
It began about a year ago when I was invited to move in with
a good friend
of mine in New West…only about 10 min. from where I live now.
A major reason was that she wanted me to be able to live in a place where things would be safer for me than me living alone with my health getting worse and my own place itself becoming unsafe for me to live in with my growing inability to look after many aspects of basic daily life. Also, her place is much more conducive to getting better more quickly - ie lots of light, I could sit outside all the time if I wanted to, possibility of swimming in the pool with use of a pool lift, etc. We also share a lot in common on many levels and have some very similar things on our hearts and have been friends for years.
Anyway, when I moved to the place I still live in here in Surrey, my health was in much better shape than it was when we began to plan this move!!
A GROWING EDUCATION & UNDERSTANDING RE DISABLED PEOPLE / SENIORS, etc. and SEEING GOD OPEN MORE DOORS TO CONNECT WITH THEM
I never realized how much better my health was when I moved into the place I've been living in until I began planning my move and realized I was having to think through every detail from the perspective of a severely disabled person...
For example, just one is how would I be able to get through the regular glass doors in the condo building to get to my car in the car park with my Scooter, if there was no one there to open the doors for me so I could drive through them, and if there was no electronic device around to enable me to open the door myself. I am far too weak to be able to open the door with one arm and get myself through and then let it close behind me without damaging my Scooter, my arm or the door.
So this has indeed been a year of major education in how many other disabled people and seniors likely feel and things they need to consider in similar circumstances, and the kinds of learning curves and adjustments many others have to make. Going through this personally has certainly given me much deeper heart understanding of what their hearts go through in these processes of degeneration and growing restrictions/frustrations, as well. There are so many levels of loss and grief which are stolen from our lives due to these changes in our bodies - which affect absolutely everything.
At the same time as God is leading my own heart through these things, God graciously seems to keep opening more and more opportunities for me to run into disabled people and seniors and have meaningful opportunities to share His love with them as I'm out and about on my Scooter, etc.
Following is one example:
A couple of months or so ago when I was in a rush to do some errands with my Scooter before it got dark out, I came across a woman about my age, also on a Scooter and sitting there in a corner with her head in her hands looking very depressed. Normally I would have approached her, but since I was in a hurry, I decided to keep going so I wouldn't be back after dark.
I just rode past her a little ways and the story of the Good Samaritan came to mind. It kindof bugged me because I was in a hurry and 'didn't have time for this now!', so I confess I was trying to convince God that I needed to go cause I had to get back before dark. He didn't seem to be convinced and impressed on me that He wanted me to meet with her. So finally I reluctantly gave Him my plans, needed to repent of my attitude and decided to obey Him and went back to the woman.
I was amazed at what happened... This woman (who was dying of AIDS and was disabled) was currently going through many of the very same kinds of transitions I was going through and struggling with just the previous few days!!, and she seemed to just be needing to talk and cry with someone else who understood..
A dear friend of mine had just been over the day before and had cried with me regarding some of the pain I was going through with these transitions, and it had meant soo much to me! It increasingly seems to me that one of the deeply-needed and rarely-given gifts God wants His children to experience and show each other and the world is the wonderful gift of 'weeping with those who weep' and rejoicing with those who rejoice. I believe this is a ministry Jesus is in the process of bringing into His Church more and more as one of the ways He wants to bring healing and restoration in and around our lives and in the Church and beyond, especially as there is growing pain all around us.
So anyway, the impact of my friend crying with me was fresh on my heart and when this woman shared, it just seemed natural to 'weep with her' and let her share what she wanted to share, and just try to understand her and what she was going through.
It seems to me we both needed that and we ended up visiting there for over an hour! I shared with her what I could about how Jesus has been bringing healing to my heart and how she can talk with Him about her cares and concerns, as well, etc.
Although she declined my offer to pray for her while we were together, she said she would appreciate prayer once she left me. Her whole countenance changed to one of brightness and hope! Glory to God!!
God was also so faithful to me even though I had been so childish - Somehow He kept it light longer than it would have been, I'm sure, because even after my visit with her, I still got all of my errands done before dark! Not only that, on the way home, I happened to pass this woman again as she was heading the direction I had just come from, and she was waving, smiling broadly and calling my name, and reminding me to email her when I got a chance... She has since moved to Toronto and I'm not sure she's at the same email addy, but that is now in the Lord's hands... I have emailed her at the address she gave me for when she'd move and am trusting that God will reconnect us if He wants us to re-connect. I can pray for her anyway.
But this is just one of the many unexpected surprises I often seem to have poured into my lap by the Lord and it is one of the joys of my life!
And just as He seems to keep opening more and more doors for me amongst New Agers and multicultural peoples of whatever culture, (and almost everyone I ever meet is an artist!!), this area of the disabled/seniors, too, seems to be a growing door He is opening before me, since people can easily see, just by looking at me, that I can likely relate to some of what they're going through or have gone through.
People, healthy and disabled, young and older, seem to stop me all over and want to talk, wherever I go. I know it is all because of God's grace and favour, and it is a joy and privilege to be able to perhaps be a conduit of His love and compassion to them in their situation at the time, or however He leads.
It is quite the adventure, because I never know what He's going to ask me to do or say in those situations that keep 'showing up out of nowhere' as He orchestrates things! :) So I need to keep looking to Him.
I usually try to take lots of time when I run errands, to allow for these opportunities so that when He presents the opportunities to show His love to folks, I can take the time with them and not have to feel rushed.
Also, since I'm learning about so many practical ways to help people in my kinds of circumstances, I'm putting together a web page on my web site with some of these recommended resources, and maybe they'll be able to help others. http://disciplethenations.org/Disabilities.html
So at the beginning of this journey to move, which included
having
to research many things to see whether it was a suitable situation
for me with my health as it was then, led to all kinds of other
changes happening in my life as a part of the process of what God was
doing and is doing in my life in leading me into another season which
I sense is a season of many new beginnings and an end to this former
season in my life.
HAVING TO DEAL WITH THE FEAR OF POTENTIALLY NOT BEING ABLE TO WALK AT ALL IN VERY SHORT ORDER
It has been quite the roller coaster of emotions on this journey - one of many faith-stretches and having to face major fears that I had no idea were there until the Holy Spirit revealed them to my heart, and long-unrecognized buried grief and other issues that God has been bringing up (like one fear - in autumn - being that I felt I needed to face and deal with the fear of potentially becoming unable to walk at all within even a few months' time)….That took some time to work through!!!
By God's grace, He enabled me, over some months, to work through that fear not long before Christmas - which was such a huge relief!! - and now only a few months later, my health has gotten so much worse, especially in the past month, that my walking has become so poor that I'm wondering if I'll still be able to walk long enough till I move into the next place. It is certainly a time of having to increasingly trust God for everything, even my next steps, literally, more than ever before. I still believe He wants to completely heal me, but I also do not know what will happen in the meantime...
I felt, in working through the fear of this, that as Daniel and his friends did when they were facing the firey furnace, they trusted God to deliver them from it, but they determined to keep following Him even if it didn't go the way they had hoped...So that is where I'm standing on this, by God's grace.
REALIZING THE NEED FOR ASSISTED LIVING CARE & LIKELY SOME FULL-TIME CARE FOR ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
So I'm having to consider not only moving into an assisted living place as soon as possible but hopefully also receiving some full-time care for some time while I rest up and recover from all of the transitional stresses, etc. of this past year. It's all the stress of these many transitions that have caused things to suddenly degenerate so much faster!
These changes as well as many other faith-challenging things which have been happening all year - such as difficult health situations, etc. in my family and among friends, etc.) are happening wayyyy too fast to be able to process them all, emotionally, that quickly, it seems, and it has caused enormous amounts of stress, emotional pain and fatigue, etc. and feelings of being totally overwhelmed.
I'm constantly having to take times out with the Lord throughout the days and during the nights, often, and just be quiet and focus on Him or I think I'd crash…I'm having to learn to trust in Him to new levels - on every front it seems, and having to learn to keep giving Him my anxieties every day because we are told in Psalms that He DAILY Bears our Burdens. I find it is so easy to let them collect if we don't do it every day, and then it gets overwhelming again...
One of the many themes He has been impressing on me this year is that of learning to hide under the shelter of His wings.....and BE STILL and KNOW THAT HE IS GOD...and come to Him to find rest, etc.... In Heb. 4 we are told to enter into God's REST, and I think one of the things that is happening with all of these stresses that have been going on, is that one of the greatest longings of my heart is to finally come into that place of REST in Him, which He is calling us into, so that He can truly be in and through us all He desires to be as we find all of our delight in Him and as we realize His delight in us!
Finding that place of rest and staying there is a lot easier said than done, I find, but thankfully, looking back, by God's grace there is progress, though I know there's still a long way to go!!!
CHANGING OF ASSIGNMENTS - BROADER MANDATE
So what began as a potential move to New West (I was planning
on
moving there May 31 - next month), also has transitioned into the fact that
I'm already in the initial stages of leaving F. (the miss. I've been with all
these years!) over the coming months as the Lord works things out (another emotional
move since I helped start the Canadian office and helped develop the organization/mission
along with our director, was then the acting director for nearly 2 years before
developing the ethnic music & arts, etc. aspects of F. and have been with
the mission for nearly 19 years!)
This is likely a big surprise to many of you that I'm in the process of leaving, but it has actually been something I felt God began to impress on my heart over a decade ago. I hadn't ever thought I'd leave this organization as I love it and the many relationships I have in the organization, so it was very hard for me to even consider the thought of leaving when I felt He first broached the subject with me. I knew I needed to be open to it, though, since God made it very clear through an unusual way that this was His idea and not just some thought that came to my mind. I guess He knew my heart would take awhile to be prepared to leave?!
I had hoped to be able to share more with you about this recent change in process earlier in the process in the past 2 or so months, but have been unable to do so due to all that's been going on so quickly. My sincere apologies for this lack of communication!
Over the years I had been praying that if God wanted me to leave, He would need to show me when and how and all of that.
Then over the past number of years He has been increasingly impressing on my heart and confirming to me in many ways that He wants to expand the mandate/assignment He has for me, and it needs to go beyond reaching out to Mu-"s-li*m=s. Some of what I wrote earlier here is also about that.
Also, whereas most of my time with the mission has been working in the office or from my home office at my computer, I sense that, with what He's been doing over the past number of years with my Scooter, especially, He is giving me more and more access to the lost where they are...
A major part of my work has been to seek to encourage and help equip the Body, and I believe that continues to be a focus in the future, but I increasingly sense that He is wanting me to continue to do so but likely less on my computer and more up close and personal as He enables my health to be strengthened again as I recover.
And so recognizing that He was recently confirming this was the direction He was now leading me in this new season (to leave the mission), I felt that when He would indicate to me the time frame of when to leave, then I would need to leave as He made the specific timing of that clear since I cannot continue for long with the mission I've been with when I feel that my assignment has changed and has been confirmed.
So as I was seeing Him confirm this new direction, and praying for the timing, interestingly it all became very clear, in the past few months as my health began to decline so greatly so quickly, that I can, at this time, no longer handle many of the responsibilities or even simple activities of the basics of life right now, not to mention working full-time, until I've had a chance to recover from the stresses of this past year of constant major transitions.
So the past few months, I've still been working as I'm able but also taking some of my un-used holiday time from many years gone by which I didn't use then, to help me as I transition into this new season.
I recently had a very good visit with our director about all of this (and in more detail) and was so very encouraged by his supportive response, and I've been encouraged by the supportive responses of various local friends etc. I've talked with so far about this, as well.
As a result, I'm in the process, currently, too, of seeing my finances also going through a major change, as you can imagine, and you can see more about that in the section below, but the reason there is not yet a date for when I will actually officially resign from the mission is because I don't have enough info, yet, on how or when God wants to do all of this. That still is in process and so F. and I are working through how best to do this as we get the info we need. And as things become clear, the specific timing will become clear as well, I trust.
My reasons for leaving are:
+ enlarged personal mandate so I no longer fit
under the mandate of the mission (as my health improves once I've had a chance
to recover from this year's many transitional stresses!)
+ my health is preventing me from continuing
+ it is clear that God is leading me into a new
season of life on basically every hand, it seems...
F. and I continue to enjoy good relationships with each other.
As I expressed to our director, it is my desire to continue to work together with and serve the mission as the Holy Spirit leads in the future (not in an official capacity but as the Holy Spirit leads in the midst of the other things He's leading me to do - through relationship) , since we do share so much in common and such a shared history.
WHAT MIGHT THIS NEW SEASON / DIRECTION LOOK LIKE?
The longer I live, the Holy Spirit seems to keep pulling me further and further away from programs and set agendas and into a growing child-like type of faith of following His example in doing what He did as He listened to His Father, and saying only what He heard Him say, and seeing things as His Father saw them.
It seems that is a major theme of His in my life these past
few years, especially - that HE IS the WAY, He IS the TRUTH, He IS the LIFE,
and His ways are higher than my ways (this
truth has been one I have struggled with a fair amount in some circumstances
this year!), so in order to follow Him more closely, I need to keep asking Him
for His perspective, ideas, thoughts, Truth, etc., and not rely on my own understanding
and former ways of doing things....He is our creative God and knows best how
to impact every person in the best way at a specific time - and He knows what
I need, so more and more I'm sensing that I just need to keep learning to flow
more and more with what the Holy Spirit is doing in and through me and cooperate
with Him in that... (John 3:8 "The wind blows
wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes
from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.")
That doesn't mean don't plan, as I understand it, but my plans must submit to what He's doing at the time. His example and that of His disciples, on a daily basis, looks to me very different than we as western believers have tended to be raised with and which we have tended to follow as our pattern in ministering to Him or others.
Anyway, although I don't have the specifics of how He wants to work this out, yet, step by step, I feel that He'll give me the steps as He is ready to show me what they are.
But here are some of the things that are on my heart and which I feel He wants me to focus on once I've moved to Abbotsford, Lord willing, etc. and as I've had a chance to recover and am able to do so...I suspect this will take some time as my health is such that doing the simplest things has become very hard for me to do, if I can do them at all (typing is one of the things I can still do, though it is getting very difficult with my eyesight disappearing very quickly in one eye the past couple months, as well). Part of the stress of all of this is how quickly these drastic changes have occurred in the past couple months, especially...
Some major things on my heart are:
+ Focus the first months on rest/recovery - much time with the Lord and in the Word to be strengthened by Him and further equipped in my spirit, soul an body for the things He has planned for me - hoping to get some grief counselling/prayer min. as needed (hopefully beginning before I move)
+ seek first God's kingdom & His righteousness/justice
+ listen to and see what Jesus is doing and do
and say what He is saying/doing
+ As He enables, express God's heart re Isaiah 61 and similar passages re healing and restoration - whether that's through the arts or..., etc. And whether among believers or the lost, but I feel like the main ones He's putting on my heart are the lost. As a part of that, weeping with those who weep / rejoicing with those who rejoice. Jesus as the Man of Sorrows is one of the major ways He continues to reveal Himself to my heart these months and the past couple of years or so.
+ Grow in loving God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength
and my neighbour as myself. And Gal 5:6 - "For in Christ Jesus neither
circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only
thing that counts is
faith expressing itself through love..."
+ Spending time with my family and a few local friends as I'm up to it / re-connect with Northview (and as my health improves, then spend time re-connecting with other local friends I've not been able to see much the past couple decades, and more time out and about on my Scooter). I will need to be careful not to get too busy - especially the first months, because then I won't be able to properly recover. I am really looking forward to being closer to quite a few of my family members in Abbotsford - it will make things a lot easier for us with our health as it is...etc.
+ beginning to learn to use the transit system with my Scooter / get to know some of the local shop owners/clerks and meet some folks on my Scooter as the Lord leads
+ doing restful, creative, restorative things like arts, photography, outtings in nature, etc. as able. There's another art form I feel to begin to explore further and potentially develop, as well...
+ continuing to work on my books which I've been doing a lot more research and making notes on this past year
+ continuing to send out networking newsletters (but not as often as I have been until my health is better)
+ hopefully working together, as the Holy Spirit leads, with local F. folks, other folks/ministries that share similar things on their hearts
+ I also have often sensed and been reminded that God loves
to take the weak areas of our lives and turn them into areas where His strength
is made evident. The area of health etc. has obviously been a huge weakness
in my life, but I am increasingly sensing that one of the things God is wanting
to do with this even through what I'm going through now is to turn this area
of my life into an area of strength in order to help be a conduit of God's healing
to various ones - spirit, soul, mind and body... (1 Thessalonians 5:23 "May
God HIMSELF, the God of Peace, sanctify you through
and through. May your whole
spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus
Christ.") I don't yet know what this will look like, but over time I'm
getting some sense of some of what that might include. But more on that another
time...
Etc.
CHANGES RE HOW I'M FINANCED IN THE FUTURE?
This is also going to affect the whole way I'm going to need
to be
financed in the future and I don't know yet exactly what that will look like.
Interestingly, I've felt for the past 2-3 years that the Lord has been preparing my heart for the fact that He was going to finance me differently than in the past, but I've not had any idea what that might look like...though in the future, at some point, I sometimes wonder whether it might be as it was for the disciples in the New Testament, where they were told to go two by two and not even take a purse along but just go where the Lord led them and stay with folks along the way, etc. Wow... I'm not there yet!!, although I'm becoming increasingly convinced that He is leading His Church to the place where we will need to become that dependant on Him to see Him provide all that we need in the not too distant future.
But in praying about what this might mean for me in the next while, and to help to take off some financial pressure in some ways, especially while I rest/recover from this past years' many stresses/upheavals, I have felt that one of the steps God wanted me to check into and apply for is the provincial disability assistance. I don't know what will happen here, and I hear that typically one is rejected once or twice before they are accepted, but I feel that this is one of the things I'm to check into so am currently beginning the process with that. This also enables me to earn an additional $500 per month once I'd be healthy enough to develop some kind of internet business, etc. - such as the arts note card businesses that I have waiting in the wings for when I'm able to do so.
I had checked out the CPP Disability in the past but due to my past level of income, the amount of CPP income that I am eligible for isn't even enough to pay my low rent here in Surrey, let alone pay for food or any other bills or to do anything else in life. So that has not been an option for me for many years already. I had never even heard of this provincial option until my landlord fairly recently recommended it to me.
Sometime down the road once I've recovered enough, I do hope to finally start my EthniClay and ScooterView note card web site businesses to help supplement my income, but in the meantime that is not an option as my health is too poor for that at this point.
Amazingly, in addition to many of the dear friends God has provided which have been faithfully supporting me financially in addition to their prayers and deeply-appreciated friendships in various ways over the years, He has been stirring the hearts of several other loving friends in the past couple years to provide financial gifts for me with cheques written out to me personally and whom have chosen not to go through an organization or to receive tax deductible receipts.
Because these are gifts given to me which do not benefit my friends in any way, since I'm not working for them, or as it would benefit them if they received a tax deductible receipt, it is as though they gave me bags of groceries or a tank of gas, clothes, a holiday or some other gift... So this would also be allowable in additional to the Provincial Disability Assistance.
So this is where I'm currently at with this....waiting for God to bring clarity on how He wants to take things with me in this area of my life, one step at a time.
I would sure appreciate your prayers about this, as well, and that I will trust Him, as my health and living costs will be much more, now, than before, if I'm going to be needing to be living in assisted living and also benefitting from the full-time type of care I will most likely need to have supplemented at least during the time I need to recover from this past year's stresses. Thank you so much!
It is certainly a time of needing to learn to trust God even more in the area of finances than I've ever had to, it seems. But God doesn't seem to shy away at all from giving us those faith challenges any chance He gets, hey?!!
I'm reminded of the verse that talks about when Jesus comes back to earth, 'will He find faith on the earth'? This has been a question that has often come to mind as He's been working in my heart to replace fears with faith/trust in Him where it is/has been lacking....
A MAJOR CHANGE IN INDEPENDENCE - SAYING GOODBYE TO MY BELOVED CAR!
My greatly speeded-up health deterioration the past few months
has also led to another major change which just happened about 2 weeks
ago...I no longer can drive due to my health (my stamina is too poor, I could
rarely get to my car the past months and when I did it's all I could do to get
there and it would totally wipe me out; also, my eyesight has gotten too poor
to continue to drive safely and I could no longer drive at night).
So, I am now car-less for the first time since I was 16! This means a lot more to me than just getting rid of a vehicle and major independence. It symbolizes many things to me, which has made it very hard to part with, and I'm sure there will be many more adjustments in the future! But it is also a relief in some ways, since it has been too hard on me physically to even use it the past growing number of months and yet has been costing to have it sitting there quite a bit of the time.
This car represents, to me, the previous season of my life - this car came to me as a complete and mind-blowing miracle about 14 years ago! Some of you may remember! Because of the miracle, I called it 'Amazing Grace'...which, to me, describes this past season of God's amazing grace in my life.
This car now is also representative of the grief and losses of many broken dreams due to my growing deterioration in my health (including my need to now also have to move away from my beloved Surrey and the Greater Vancouver region), and my growing feelings, especially lately, of feeling increasingly trapped inside my own body. Even the past couple months my eyesight and hearing have gone wonky and I'm on the verge of needing hearing aids and my eye that I had surgery on a few years ago has suddenly gone crazy again. Other 'season changes' have been in the process of coming to an end and feeling trapped inside has been getting soo frustrating lately!
Having to get rid of my car caused me to start feeling the massive grief and losses of the many ways that my health has stolen from my life on every level since I was a child! I never realized, till God started to prepare me for this new season by first dealing with the old season, how much unresolved grief and loss was there! So it symbolizes to me the end of this season of my life - which is painful to let go of because it has meant also facing the realities of where my health is currently at, YET, it also symbolizes for me a new beginning.
I received my 'Amazing Grace' car as a miracle and it has always meant a lot to me because it was such a personal symbol of God's grace to me.
But the night before I got rid of my car, I had another amazing experience with my car and with the Lord which, to me, was just as incredible and again helped to give hope re the new beginning / new season to come in the midst of such grief! Perhaps I will share this with you soon...
But another wonderful part to this is that my niece has been needing a car and loves the car my Mom had! My car was the same type of car but a lot newer than Mom's car. Both of us looked after our cars well and didn't want them to have to leave the family, preferably, and Mom doesn't want to have to consider getting another vehicle any more. So I asked her if she might want my car, and she asked my niece if she might want her car, and the upshot is that my Mom now has my vehicle and my niece has my Mom's vehicle!!! So that worked out wonderfully!! PTL!!
CHANGING CITIES - MOVING BACK TO ABBOTSFORD - New Beginnings/Restoration!
Back to my plans to move to New Westminister with my friend...about 3 weeks ago some unexpected circumstances came up and so it no longer works for me to move in with her. So, as mentioned above, I'm now checking into an assisted living place (with full time care help as well if possible to begin with) in Abbotsford…where I was born and raised and where most of my family still lives.
That's another big shift at this time (although I had begun to think about the possibility of moving back to Abbotsford in about a year or two) and this time is a lot more of a shift than it would have been to move to New West (just 10 minutes from here) because I'm not going to be able to get back to Surrey to see folks as I was hoping to be able to do while living in New West…
It's only about 45 min. to Abbotsford but it's a big psychological shift for me…especially without the use of a car. I know I'll still see some of the folks from up the Surrey/Vancouver way sometimes, but Abbotsford is not a very usual stop for most Surrey or Greater Vancouverites, so it'll be an adjustment that way.
However, I'm also really looking forward to moving back to Abbotsford where most of my family is and where I lived till I was 30, and especially now that there is so much going on with my family's health as well - ie. my Dad now has Alzheimers, etc., and there are other family situations with other family members re health, etc.
It would just make it easier for all of us, especially now that I can no longer drive, for me to be out there with them.
Also, one of the wonderful things that has been happening is that God is continuing to rebuild and restore the relationships in my family!!!
I believe that restoration is a big thing He is wanting to
focus on in
my life and in my family and beyond while I'm in Abbotsford…I feel it's
a season of restoration that I'm entering into, so that I am very excited about….
So although there will be some major adjustments to moving
back to
Abbotsford, I am also very excited about the things He has in store
and open doors to connect with folks on my Scooter or whatever, as He
strengthens my body, etc. again.
Dealing with all of these many major changes in such a short
time has
been absolutely overwhelming, especially as it has brought up a whole
lifetime of the pain, losses and grief that gradually had accumulated
in my life from the way my health has stolen from my life continuously
and from every level all my life without me realizing how it was
affecting me along the way. But these current situations have forced
that grief to the surface, finally, and so I've been doing a lot of
grieving about that recently.
Jesus, my Wonderful Counsellor, has also been beginning to heal me in that area again the past couple weeks and I'm feeling much more hopeful and encouraged again, but there is a ways to go. I'm planning on going through some grief counseling/prayer min. as well.
So about moving….I don't know yet when or where (though I'm checking out a specific assisted living place next door to the seniors home where my Dad lives - apparently they have some younger folks in there?)….
So if this is where God is leading me??, hopefully I'll be
able to move before the end of summer but I don't know about waiting lists and
when all my forms re disability and for the Fraser Health Authority (for the
assessment/referral) and stuff will go through, or how I'll be financed, so
there are still lots of faith challenges ahead but I need to take it one day
at
a time or I get soo stressed I can hardly breathe.
---
So that's kind of it in a nutshell…..there are hundreds
of stories
along the way which I could share with you, but this will at least give you
a bit of an overview….And it'll help explain why my eyes are so puffy when
we get together! : ) but hopefully once I'll have recovered from this major
on-going hurricane in my life, my puffy eyes will end up with laugh lines
instead! : )
I'm soooo thankful for the many encouraging things He has
done and
spoken to my heart and the miracles He's done in the midst of it
all….. and for revealing Himself to me, more, as the Man of Sorrows
and how He identifies with us in our pain, etc….and just other ways He
has revealed Himself through the process as well.
One of the cool things that also happened during this time
is going
through an excellent CD course about learning how to
hear the voice of
God better!! Has been so helpful for myself and some others to go
through, and also going through a dreams and interpretation
in the
Bible course - from a biblical perspective…Never realized how MUCH
the Bible teaches about this!! All very helpful and God also used these a lot
in helping to bring further healing to my heart, too….
Anyway, I don't want to make this too long, but thought I'd finally respond and give you a bit of a snapshot. Hope this helps?
With much love and appreciation,
Grace
-------------------------------------
May 3 and Current Health Crisis Update
On May 3 I was just getting up and brushing my teeth, and realizing how hard it was for me to do even that very simple task and how it exhausted me so that I needed to sit down. And my heart was racing and I was all tired out.
As I rested up from that before my next simple task - like dressing myself... I thought about all the other basic things one needs to do to just do the basics around here - like having a shower, taking my pills, pay bills by phone, heating up something in the microwave, opening a pill bottle, etc. Although I have realized all of these things were hard for me for a long time but especially this past month, the truth of how helpless I have really become had not registered because it wasn't this hard until just the past couple weeks or so.
When it hit me, I felt totally helpless because I realized I couldn't live on my own anymore, and ended up grieving all morning about that, realizing it may mean I have to get even more help than I had been counting on! Also, my breathing was so bad and I was so weak that I was not in a good place.
Thankfully God had things timed right and one of my dear friends arrived a couple hours later and lovingly insisted that certain steps be taken right aways - such as getting a doctor visit and getting assessed by the local health care system, so that we could get me out of this house as soon as possible into some appropriate housing facilities so I can rest/recuperate. Along with that, the financial aspect has to be cleared up ASAP so it is a real time of faith testing right now, too!
My friend also didn't want to leave until I had some friends lined up to come stay with me for 24 hour care, which has been happening this week. It has been a huge blessing/love gift from the Lord and them!!!!! and has given us some good time to visit, as well!, and it is looking like this week will be very similar.
I had my tests with the doctor and he said the diabetes isn't going crazy as we thought it might be, so PTL!! Howver, he found that I was severely potassium depleted so he immediately put me on a lot of that and it started to cause things to begin to improve a bit almost right aways...it was rather scary there a couple days but I'm feeling slowly on the upward mend even though there's a long way to go, I imagine.
He's also asked me to try to reduce my regular large doses of aspirin a day (one of my meds for the rheumatoid arthritis), in order to try to help the severity of my increasing lack of hearing. I'm trying that, and hoping this wll work - not only to help restore some of my hearing which has gotten severely impaired the past couple months, but that the reduced rates won't again cause the arthritis to flare up. If it doesn't, that would be awesome to get off at least this amount of the aspirin, finally!
I have another house call from my doc early this week or so so hopefully things will continue to improve as he finds out more from my tests, as well.
One option to consider was to go to Emergency by Ambulance and stay in there until they could do a workover on me physically but also to fast-track me into the system to get me into a suitable housing facility, etc. However, there are growing superbug problems in hospitals in the region, etc. and with my already huge susceptibilities to life threatening infections, now being at an even lower point and with my immune system even further compromised, he also felt it was better not to go into the hospital if we can get home care help....so he's also going to work on getting some home care/nursing help for me in the meantime.
Sooo it has been quite the time! I never know from one day to the next what will happen... a vs. that has been coming to mind a lot the past few days is the one in Ps. 23.....4Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me. (Amplified version)
I sometimes still struggle with dreading some evil in this valley of the shadow, but am asking God to give me His perspective so I really see that there is no need for fear here at all...
Another encouragement which does speak strongly to my heart these days and has 'suddenly' been sent to me from other friends all around the same time, as well, is:
Is. 40:29He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing it to multiply and making it to abound].(I)
30Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected] young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted;
31But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.(J) -- Amplified Bible
This passage has been taking on new depths of meaning for me!
So this is where I'm at on May 10, 2008.
I don't have much energy or time for emailing with need for sleep and people over, etc., but will try to contact you as soon as I can if you email. It may be awhile, though, depending on how things go and the timing of everything... Thank you very much for understanding!
I think I'll add an update on this page again as able so you know where to look, or I'll include it in a quick note and email it to everyone on the list.
Thank you so very much for your love and prayers!!
With love, appreciation and prayers,
Grace
MAY 30. 2008 Health Crisis Update
How are you all doing? I hope your week has been encouraging for all of you and staff and that you have a blessed weekend!
I have been wanting to update you a bit further on my transitions, so here is a bit of one which will hopefully help to let you see where things are currently at...
In my last update, I had let you know of the major health crisis I faced early this month....which set off some more transitions but seems to be moving things along and which is also very encouraging in some ways!
Just briefly:
+ my health is still under close doctor's watch and is still very unstable, though not at the crisis point it was, though it is apparently very tricky at this stage and the doc isn't really sure, yet, of what's all going on with me other than the things he's/we've already known about...we also don't know why, yet, this recent nose-dive took place.
So I'm still pretty fatigued almost all the time and not able to do much, and have only been able to get out of the house on my Scooter once in the past month, and that was just next door, and got out once with my Mom for her birthday....so the recovery process is very slow but thankfully my breathing is quite a bit better than it was and I'm sometimes able to sleep again!! PTL!!!
My hearing began to improve a fair amount by reducing the aspirin, as my doctor had asked me to do. HOWEVER, I was not taking anything instead of that, at the same time, to help maintain the pain and inflammation level in the rheumatoid arthritis, and so although my hearing has been improving, the walking has been getting quite a bit worse and some areas of my body that have been in remission for some time seem to be beginning to come out of remission now. So I'm needing some kind of solution to this dilemma, and in the meantime will increase the aspirin a bit again since I can't afford to have even worse health before the move. I hope to discuss this with my doctor early next week.
+ Another 'Valley of Trouble' Becomes a Door of Hope (Hos.2): In-Home Care Workers - I had let you know that during the crisis, I was soo blessed by friends and my Mom over 24 hours a day for almost 2 weeks....it was wonderful in so many ways!!!!
At the same time, being the kind of person that needs a lot of down time in between being with people (even when I used to be much healthier), having people with me all the time really stressed me and my breathing got worse again, so I knew some other option would have to be considered. Friends, etc. are still coming over, bringing some meals and helping out with things sometimes when they come over, but not every day all day, so it is much better this way and allows me time to re-group in between....not to mention it's easier on my family and friends and gives us more time to fellowship!!
: )
The way the Lord has worked this out for me is that, thanks to my doctor's request, the gov't is now funding in-home care workers to come over for one hour a day and basically do the basics of life for me which I can no longer do...
This basically includes almost everything...from all the personal care things like bathing me, brushing my teeth, serving meals, doing my dishes, cleaning the house, doing laundry, giving me a back rub, helping me with some minor packing, taking out the garbage, etc. Needless to say, it has been awesome!! and leaves time for my naps and a bit of energy to be able to do some emailing or other things on my heart as I'm up to it. Apparently this service is supposed to be a long-term thing in my life now!!! - until I'm healed, anyway! :) PTL!!!!!!!
Also, all the women are/have been wonderful and we always have a good time visiting when they're over, unless I'm too exhausted. So this is also a great blessing!
+ God Is Opening New Doors in Unexpected Ways
They're a multicultural and multi-religious group of people and so that, too, is very interesting how God is now bringing people to me here...a couple of them are believers but most aren't...
It seems all the ones I've met so far are so busy with their work and families that they basically don't have time to develop friendships and so they seem to love coming over and letting me know about their lives when I ask...they don't tend to say anything about their lives unless I ask...I think it's part of their parameters in working with the company they're with.
Anyways, it seems God is opening new doors here to the lost - and to folks in another aspect of those dealing with disabled people, right in my own home! Who would have thought?! They are such a blessing and God has given me favour with all of them, it seems! I am so grateful and am praying He will use me as He desires, with them, and lead me step by step...
So this is a HUGE thing and I can see how, as my health improves and I have more energy and more time since I don't have to do the basic things, continuing to receive this kind of care will enable me to continue to do the things God puts on my heart that He enables me to do at that time, whether that's emailing, writing, developing the arts, having folks over, getting out into town on my Scooter to further develop relationships there, etc... so I am excited!
+ living situation / upcoming move
I can't remember what I told you last about this, but I think I had told you I have been planning on moving back to my hometown, Abbotsford, into an assisted living situation (with the additional help of In-Home Care Workers so I would be able to function at my new levels of disability) as soon as possible. That way I would be by my family as most of them are there and it would make life easier for all of us for me to be there since there are many health issues in our family.
I had to have a visit with the Fraser Health Authority assessor to see where they thought would be most suitable for me, as well as to see how much the gov't might be able to help subsidize my housing, etc.
As it turns out, the assessor checked out the situations in Abbotsford, including the one I had been praying about, and none of them are available and likely won't be for some time : (, so I will need to get onto their waiting lists so I can eventually move there before tooooo long!! This was very disappointing, initially, in some ways, and is still disappointing in some ways.
HOWEVER, the assessor had told me just before she checked, that if that happened, I would need to find a suitable place in Surrey until something in Abbotsford opened up, and she suggested considering a new, almost- finished-being-built, assisted living facility FOR PEOPLE UNDER 50 with Physical Disabilities - and it's only about 3 blocks from my house!!!!!!!!! It's basically in the same neighbourhood!!! I think it is an ideal situation for me!!!
Just before receiving this news from the assessor, I had had a very interesting dream which I had been praying about - where it seemed God wanted me to take a detour, but I didn't know what it was about, yet... I had also read an email I'd received, which included a prophetic word, around the same time, about God taking people on all kinds of detours these days.... so that was interesting, and I knew God was wanting to tell me something so I kept praying about this.
Then when the assessor told me about not being able to go to Abbotsford, now, and this other place, it seemed like the dream made sense to me. The dream basically indicated that if I kept going in the direction I was heading (Abbotsford) right then, I would likely get killed (by driving over a very deep escarpment in the dream), but if I took the detour, though it was a longer way, it would get me safely to the familiar territory to which I was heading!
As I prayed, I felt it was indicating that because my health is currently so unstable, moving a couple blocks away, remaining in my local support networks and neighbourhood where I don't have to get to know new health professionals, new transportation options, new places, new everything (Abby has changed a lot since I lived there 20 years ago)!!, would be much safer and more managable for me healthwise at this point!! That thought brings me much relief, in fact.
And then as I recover and as the Lord leads and open doors in Abbotsford, I can go there then instead. I trust He has other ways, then, of enabling me to spend more time with my family in between, since I'm not able to move there yet.
Anyways, as this all seemed to be becoming clear to me, I found myself feeling not only at peace with God's seeming change of plans and timing for my move, but am feeling very excited about it!
The assessor has been working hard to see me get into there,
too, and so we are waiting to hear whether I'll be accepted or not...and if
so, I suspect I'll be moving there sometime this summer?
So I'm asking the Lord for favour to get me into there UNLESS He has a better plan.
Anyways, this is some of the main stuff going on here these days in the midst of preparing to move/pack, etc.
I noticed recently that I'm laughing a lot more and feeling a lot more hopeful and less stressed than I was for some time and especially shortly before the crisis took place, PTL!!!! Just starting to feel even somewhat better is sure helpful, too!!! and getting some rest is sure helping, too!!, but it is God's many expressions of love through so many and in my time with Him, in the midst of the on-going challenges, that is enabling me to move forward with seemingly a new measure of peace these days as I am slowly learning to rest in His Presence more and more, bit by bit, by His grace!
I've also been getting some very encouraging emails/letters/cards/visits, etc. from folks, so that has also been very timely and such an additional blessing right now!!!
Following is a very timely and appropriate word some friends sent me in a card this past week....I trust it will minister to many or all of you, as well!!
"When you are the neediest, He is the most sufficient.
When you are completely helpless, He is the most helpful.
When you feel totally dependant, He is absolutely dependable.
When you are the most alone, He is intimately present.
When you feel you are the least, He is the greatest.
When you feel the most useless, He is preparing you.
When it is the darkest, He is the only Light you need.
When you feel the least secure, He is your Rock and Fortress.
When you are the most humble, He is most gracious.
When you can't, He can."
- From: Christian Reflections, by
www.Dayspring.com
Thank you also, soo very much, for all your love, prayers and for those who have sent some financial gifts to assist me in this transition and into the doors the Lord opens for me as He continues to lead and guide and as He continues to bring people into my life! May He abundantly provide for you in every way and may His goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life!!!
Thank you so much for understanding that I've not had much time and energy to respond to many of your emails as of yet...will try to get to them as soon as possible and appreciate them so much!
Thank you again so very much for your love and prayers and I hope your hearts find much encouragement in the Lord this summer!!
With love, deep appreciation and prayers,
Grace
JUNE 29. 2008 Health and Moving Update
To my dear loving and praying friends!!
How are you doing this summer? I hope you're doing well and finding encouragement in the Lord in the midst of all that is going on in yuor lives on every level!
Thank you soo much to those who have written and I'm soo sorry for if I've not had a chance to respond yet...will do so as soon as I can...
I'm soo sorry it's been such a long time since I've been
able to update you...soo much has been going on...(I can't remember what I told
you last...
I think I was hoping to move to Abbotsford before too long at that point in
time, into an assisted living place close to where my Dad is living - who has
Alzheimers.
Since then, my life has changed in so many ways!
It's seemingly going at warp speed in some ways and I seem to have neither the time or energy to hardly connect with anyone via email, as I've just had my 3rd major health crisis since the beginning of April and am still trying to recover from it. Overnight my energy level physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally just seems to disappear, and I end up in a very bad place in terms of hope to keep going, as my body feels, most of the time, like I'm hanging on by a thread.
The past few months have been the most difficult in my life, not only because of that, but because of the other stresses of moving now suddenly in high gear when I was already feeling so stressed from a year of moving preparation/planning plus the additional stresses of my health nose-diving like it has this past year and especially since the beginning of April....including my eyesight and hearing becoming a major issue which makes communication even harder.
If it wasn't for God's encouragements and love and miracles along the way, reminding me of His love for me, I wouldn't have been able to continue so far. My faith has been and continues to be challenged more deeply these days/months than the rest of my life put together.
I'm so grateful for all His love shown through loving and supportive family and friends, etc. in so many amazing ways!! and for His hope in His promises.... yet it seems like in the area of my health, which is so difficult for me these days, He has remained fairly silent with seemingly no answers or very little relief except for the fact that He is certainly dealing with many fears I never knew I had!!!, which is also exposing some trust issues with Him which I didn't realize I still had....I am sure this will make a big difference as He keeps walking me through it...
So I'm grateful that He's bringing me into greater freedom from fear, but the process of dying to self and learning to rely more completely on Him instead of on ourselves is certainly not a pleasant journey in some aspects! - as it says in Heb 12 that His loving discipline is not pleasant!! I'm so grateful that He acknowledges that and doesn't expect us to like the painful parts of the discipline...
Anyways, I will try to update you soon and connect with you further then, but am having trouble with getting emails out due to eyesight and energy levels these days...but wanted to at least let you know a bit of where things are at...
Anyways, a brief update from what I think I may have told you last:
* my planned move to Abbotsford into an assisted living situation didn't work out because no suitable places were available. So the Fraser He-alth Author-ity recommended a place for me a couple blocks from my home and applied for me to be accepted there. It's a new assisted living facility for physically disabled people under 50!!! - partially government funded.
It's an incredible place - perfect for someone like me!! Seems like an incredible answer to prayer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would get all my meals made there and cleaning and personal care done for me as well!!!, which I need at this point since my health nose-dived recently, since I can basically not doing anything for myself anymore....at least not at this point....hopefully once the stress goes and the move is behind me things will begin to change, and I'm still hoping to be healed but it may be awhile yet...?
Anyways, I've been going through medical tests since the beginning of Apr. and the doctors don't know yet what's going on...waiting to hear back on more tests...
It's very scary cause these crises affect me almost instantly physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. and esp. spiritually....it lasts for days or weeks. My body and everything just seems to go crazy and I wonder often from one min. to the next whether I'll make it to the next day or minute...I've never gone through anything this difficult before...and all while I'm in the midst of all of these major transitions...I've been feeling very desperate quite frequently the past few months at my lowest times and would sure appreciate your prayers! I usually feel like I'm hanging on by a thread.
In the midst of this, I've been needing to go through the process of applying for long term disability income..... What a process!!! Forms, forms and more forms... And all of them have totally stressed me out and I'm still not through them all....thank God for those who have been helping as able to get me through them a bit at a time... I'm trusting that eventually I will be accepted for that but at this point am still trying to finish getting the forms in.
In the meantime, I officially resigned (June 30) from F. (the mission I've been with for about 18+ years), because, as mentioned in my update of some months ago,
+ I have felt it was God's timing to do so as He is moving me into a new season of life,
+ and in order for me to be able to start receiving welfare, which is the first step to potentially getting the long term disability....
So resigning from F. is another major change in the past short while after working with F. since Feb 1, 1990!! It is hard to say good-bye but is part of ending one season and moving into this next season God has for me in my life.
In the midst of all of this, I'm having to pack (something I can't do myself because of where my health and stress level is at) and plan the rest of the move, and it has been and continues to be overwhelming for me. I can see all that needs doing, but every single thing needs to be arranged with someone to do it for me since I can't do it myself. Breathing has become extremely difficult for me as I think my asthma has gone crazy from all the stress, too!
On the other hand, though, God is doing incredible and amazing things and many miracles!!
The place He is providing for me here in Surrey - which I have been accepted at, is called FREEDOM PLACE and is only a couple blocks from my place, so there won't be as many adjustments for me while my health is so volatile as if I moved to Abbotsford at this point...eventually I still want to move to Abbotsford - in a year or 2?? - will have to see what God has in mind -
Assisted living photos
inside
http://community.webshots.com/album/563589660OEwaKZ?vhost=community
This place is perfect for someone like me and the services and managers seem awesome! God seems to keep working things out for this step by step and it's blowing me away!!!
The building is brand new and I'm still waiting for the notice saying they have the occupancy permit so I can know when to give my landlord notice.... My landlords have been sooooo wonderful all the way along, too - the whole time I've lived here - about 8 years. It seems I will be moving into this new place sometime in August or possibly Sept. I'll let you know more as I'm able and will send you my new contact info as I have that available and have my moving date, etc.
Anyways, I certainly need prayer, especially, these days,
not only for the energy and strength, and my overall health which is feeling
awful almost all the time, and for my eyesight and hearing etc., to be able
to do what needs to be done, but especially to keep giving God the many fears
He has been bringing to light that He's wanting to free me from through this
process....and that I'll keep trusting in Him even when I'm totally afraid of
what might happen, because at the most vulnerable time in my life healthwise
and in every other way, it seems He has removed almost all of the securities
and comforts from my life and it is all about learning to rest in Him and get
rid of relying on myself... Funny how we think we're doing that till He shows
us that we're still trusting in ourselves waaay more than we thought!
Please pray for continuing hope for me, and that God will enable me to come
to a deeper place of trust in Him, and be able to rest in Him more fully and
give Him all my fears so He can do with me what He desires. It is hard to have
hope many days when my body just seems to keep closing in around me more and
more, and when it feels like I'm hanging on by a thread, and when God often
seems not to be doing anything about the fact that my body feels so lousy, even
though He is obviously doing amazing things in other areas of my life... I feel
very broken these days and have to live each day a moment at a time, reminding
myself that His grace is sufficient for me. The following is a vs. which is
very much what I've been and am going through these months...weeks/days...
2 Cor 1:7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. 8We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.
As far as leaving F. goes, I trust our relationships will continue as the Lord leads us, and as my health improves, would love to continue to serve them as able as a part of what He has me involved in if He leads in those ways....especially the local team of F. folks working in this region.
As for financing for me in the future....
I am still in limbo on that, although I have received my first welfare cheque, though it doesn't cover my basic needs for the month at this point. Hopefully I will soon get onto disability so that that amount will increase somewhat, Lord willing...
But in the meantime...
There are friends and family etc. that have expressed their wish to help support me in the future and especially with my upcoming move and associated costs, as well, and to help out especially while I'm transitioning through the disability income process.
If this is something that any of you would consider doing, I would be most grateful!! Some of you have expressed interest in that as well.
In order to receive welfare at this point, and disability in the future, future gifts given to me cannot be given to me as 'income'...so if someone wanted to support me with $50 or $200 a month or wanted to do a specific thing for me regularly which could be seen by them as 'income', I would have the benefits received from them deducted by the amount received through welfare....I think I said that wrong...basically, I would only get the welfare amount and they would keep the extra.
I then asked how it would be possible to move into the assisted living place where I need a new bed, a different couch, damage deposit and some other things to get me started there, or pay off my medical debts, etc. from this past year, etc., if I couldn't receive gifts. And I asked whether I had to report all gifts given to me - gifts in kind like groceries, natural products, payments for naturpath treatments, medical equipment needed, etc.
I was told that it's fine to receive gifts as long as it's not seen as regular income. I asked specifically about the bed others are wanting to contribute towards, etc. and was told that that kind of thing would be fine....it's just not supposed to be seen as regular income.
So a friend of mine is hoping to be able to be a place where interested parties, for example, could send her money for the bed for me and she would take care of that in that situation by collecting the funds and paying for the bed....This could also be done with other needs over time, as well.
So I wanted to let you know about this kind of thing if this is something the Lord puts on your heart.
If you are interested, here is more info on that: a way to help with the new bed, etc.
I realize this probably doesn't answer nearly all of your questions, but hopefully we can communicate further soon and I trust that will help to clarify things.
In the meantime, I hope this helps to give you an idea of what's been going on and again, my deep apologies for not being able to keep further connected recently. Just surviving has been a major challenge minute by minute for the most part the past few months.
I appreciate soo very much all of your loving prayers and friendship and supportive encouragements of various kinds over the years and look forward to more opportunity to connect again in the future as the Lord enables!!
I look forward to hearing from you and to hearing what's been happening in your lives, and to hopefully seeing you as the Lord works that out, as able...Thank you soo much for your prayers...I sure need them!!!!
You remain in my heart and prayers as well!
With many blessings and may God do far more than we have asked or imagined in all of our lives for His glory!
With much deep appreciation, love and heartfelt prayers,
Grace
I don't have much energy or time for emailing right now with all that's happening until I move - hopefully August or Sept.?, etc., but will try to contact you as soon as I can if you email. Thank you very much for understanding!
I will send you my new contact info as soon as I have it.
Thank you again so very much for your love and prayers and I hope your hearts find much encouragement in the Lord this summer!!
With love, deep appreciation and prayers,
Grace
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Dear mutual friends of our Gracie,
As you know, or are finding out, Grace is going through the huge process of getting onto Disability Income and moving into Assisted Living for Physically Disabled people under 50. It is a partially government-funded facility (about 2 blocks from where she currently lives), and appears to be incredible provision of the Lord for her as we continue to trust Him to work out the funding as she continues to move through the application process to receive the Disability Income.
The place she's been accepted into is wonderful...a new, open suite much larger than she expected. It includes a small kitchenette, and everything is designed for ease of movement and use in wheelchair. I'm sure she'll describe it well to you :). Assisted living photos inside -
http://community.webshots.com/album/563589660OEwaKZ?vhost=community
One thing about the Income Assistance (welfare) she is receiving now (which precedes and is the first step to receiving the Disability Income)... she is not allowed to receive any money on a regular "income" type basis without it immediately being subtracted from the amount she receives from the government; ie. no regular paying of bills; and larger gifts of money must be reported as well.
But... Grace is allowed to receive gifts... like a bed or a couch, or help with other moving costs – such as the damage deposit, etc.
We've recognized that she must replace her large, queen-size bed with a much narrower (and higher) one for this new place. And she will need a newer loveseat or couch that is firmer and higher than the old one she has been using, for ease of getting up from it.
We were out last week and parked beside Sleep Country enroute to another store. We decided to get some ideas of what she needed, and God made it abundantly clear that He was involved in that process with us. The moving sale, and the kind salesman, helped Grace find an extremely comfortable, multiple-adjustable (like a hospital bed) & massaging bed for half price. I was convinced this bed was right for her when the swelling and the purple in her ankles went down dramatically as she rested on it, with her legs raised, while we discussed things. The adjustments will lift her legs, or her bring her to sitting up, and there are two massage features as well. The final cost came to $2,200 and although that seems steep, I believe it is very important for Grace to have this bed.
If you would still like to be able to bless Grace with some support, but recognize she can't receive money gifts, you might like to partner with other friends to bless Grace with this bed. In order to keep it as a gift of a bed, not money to pay her bills off on the bed, I've signed the credit account in my name. If you would like to help, please make any cheque payable to 'Lorna Fothergill' and send to 3229 Ballenas Crt, Coquitlam, BC V3E 1T3. I'll give a full accounting to Grace of who has participated. You can send any notes for Grace directly to her, or I'll forward them.
We will look for the appropriate couch or loveseat when she moves and we know how much space there is. This need can probably be met much more economically through Craig's list or Buy'n'Sell, unless God provides through someone with one to give already.
When Grace is finally on Disability Income, after an intro period ( I think 3 months) she will be able to receive $500 a month without having it subtracted from the disabiity income. This will help Grace with the extra needs she has with the medications that are not covered by Medical.
Thank you for all the love and support and encouragement you give Grace. I know she is deeply thankful for all of you,
Love in Christ, Lorna